Another classic....
Hey, all...
This year, we decided not to participate in giving out candy.
Why, you might ask?
Well - it's not that I don't like kids. We CONSIDERED it here in the McCrystal household...
But in the end - we thought it'd be more fun to just take the kids out trick-or-treating and not have an adult posted at the door.
But that's NOT the annual ritual I'm talking about... per se...
It all started on Halloween, 2006. Was in the process of cleaning out the back closet (looking for an obscure item for a kids costume), when I came across a plastic tote...crammed FULL of Halloween candy. The girls had a banner year collecting their treats...
EXCEPT that the candy was left over from their collecting it in 2004. It was in a SEALED bin...but one would chip a tooth trying to gnaw on it.
OK - put aside for disposal, right? You'd think... but then again... this is me, folks. Now - it was my full intent to toss it out...had it by the door to chuck out...
Then...the teenagers showed up.
Knock on the door...almost 9pm... damn late for a kid to be asking for a treat... I open the door, and there's a couple thugs at the door.. Not kids...not even early teens... but late-teen, urban, ethnic thug-life punks.
"Yo...gimme some candy..." the closest one to the door mumbled.
Shit - these assholes don't even have costumes on. Where is my shotgun...? I KNOW there's going to be a problem here.
"Excuse me?" I ask...knowing I heard full well what this puswad had asked.
"Yo," he said louder, "Gimme some muthafuckin candy!" - shaking his plastic Wal*Mart bag...
Muthafuc....oh HELL NO....he did NOT just say that. Then... the light came on... and I smiled like a proper, suburban white guy would while modeling for a Pepsodent ad...
"Sure - hold on...it's a little late, so I gotta grab the candy bin...."
Guess what they got...? I tell you - you could've shanked someone with one of the Twizzlers in that lot. Needless to say, I watched the news for 3 days to see if there was an outbreak of ptomaine poisoning here in Orlando...or a kid going to the hospital with broken teeth... you get the idea.
After that - it was a ritual to take the nastiest candy given to the kids and seal it up for a couple years... just in case.
Not this year. So - tomorrow, I have to toss it out...
...or should I just save it for next year...?
Have a great night, and a Blessed Samhain to those practicing the old religion...
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